Being a Young Mother

I just finished reading an article about not judging young mothers. And it got me thinking about my own experience. I became pregnant with my oldest at 16. This was very much by choice. Actually, to be perfectly honest he (Gabriel) was the only child I conceived on purpose. I had moved out and had been out on my own for over a year, which at that age, a year is a long time. I had always wanted children and so it seem like a good enough time as any. And you know what, it was. I will admit I have at times thought about what I could have done if I had not had my son so early. But, really I don’t think much would be different. I just don’t think I would be happy the way I am happy now. I am not going to say that starting a family that early is for everyone. I have not meet a 16 year old that I would give the thumbs up to, or even an 18 year old for that matter. It is almost like this society is breeding irresponsibility in our youth. I watch an episode of teen mom and was horrified by their behavior. I am not saying that they don’t love their children because I know they do. I just think those girls were picked because of they way they make choices making for a more dramatic show. I remember the campaigns against teen pregnancy when I was in school and I really think that it worked to some degree. Most of the my friends from back east, at least the ones I am still in contact with have no children. I have one friend who recently became pregnant. But, really for the last 10 years NO one I knew in high school have had kids, even my friends who are 5 years older then me, which most of them were. Anyway, blah, blah, blah I am rambling. I wanted to mainly talk about my own experience as a young mother. So, here it goes. 

Being pregnant for the most part was a good experience. I only noticed a few stares and judgmental head shakes. At 30, I still get the “your so young” comments. The one and only comment that really pissed me off when I was pregnant, was a lady who was checking me out at the grocery store, she said, “Honey,” I hate when I get a called, honey, dear, sweetie, or what have you, by strangers. I am none of these things to you. I find it insulting and I definitely think it is said to make me feel like a child, which to me, at the point of choosing to have sex, you are booted out of “child” status. So, she says, “Honey, do yourself a favor and just get the epidural. You want your first child to be a pleasurable experience.” 

I am sure that she meant this with all good intensions. She went on to explain that she had tried for a natural child birth in the beginning and it made for a difficult time. I was raised to be polite and to not get into conflicts with prefect strangers, so I nicely responded, “You know that will effect the baby?” And in my head screaming at her for calling me “honey.” 

She retorted with, “Awww, sweetie, the doctors wouldn’t give you anything not good for the baby.” All I could do at that point was smile and walk away. My guts ran out. And for the rest of my pregnancy I avoided her checkout aisle. Whenever I would see her, I would curse her for treating me like a child. It wasn’t so much the topic, it was how she spoke to me.  

I was raised very unplugged from the norm. My mother had all 3 of her babies naturally, she nursed us all exclusively (never having a bottle), and all of our colds which we rarely had, were treated homeopathically or with vitamin C, garlic and echinacea . My mother would say, “Your teeth are straight, beautiful and healthy because I nursed you.” “Your hair and nails grow long and healthy because I nursed you.” “Your strong, smart and independent because I nursed you.” “ You barely ever get sick or have any allergies because I nursed you.” This doesn’t have to be true for you, your mother could have nursed you and still have all of the above as problems. But, it is true with my mother and her kids and I believe that it is true for my children and I.

I think the mother I was when I was 17 and the mother I am today would not disagree too much. I bet that I am a lot more relaxed now then I was 13 years ago. I asked a lot of questions of people that I thought had the right answers, now not so much. I read a lot of books on parenting, I still do but not for the same reason, more for research. I do however enjoy learning something new, but most of the things I read now, I either disagree with or I already knew. I am more of a know it all now. I am more more secure in my choices then I was. This could have something to do with age but I think it has more to do that I am more seasoned as a parent. But, I don’t look for acceptance as much as I did then, which I do think has something to do with my age. I know I make mistakes then and now, but I can and could live with the consequences. My son turns 13 in less then a week. I have been getting a taste for what teenager-hood will be like now for a couple of years, and sometimes I feel like I am in over my head. I mean, I have never parented a teenager and so far it is not a walk in the park. But, I take it one step at a time, and I know we will all be ok. 

Being a young mother is a challenge. It is a challenge at any age, because each age, I think will have judgement thrown at it. Although, the challenge of being a young parent, I don’t think I would wish upon my children. I would however support them if this is what they wanted. I know that each day I show them what it means to be the right kind of parent. I don’t know, it is a tough thing, but having open communication line with your kids is the way to go on this one, and really with anything. 

 I will be completely honest though, I don’t think my life choice to be a mother at that age was a wrong one. This is the life I wanted. I wanted to be a mother, I think it looks good on me and I am very proud of the family I created. I never needed the career that I was told to have, that I “missed.” Nothing I would or could have done for the last 13 years would make me as proud as I am of what I have right now. And who said you have to do it in a certain order. I love my life, and love growing and learning with my family. 

Love, Rebecca