Grateful

Oh my gosh, is it just me or is there always work to do? Yeah, I thought so, we are all busy but is it productive? I will say that I am doing pretty good since Monday, so good in fact that I have very little time to write as I am getting “all the things,” done. I really feel the pull that this is not what I should be doing, but I made a promise to myself that I would write every day. Everyday is not happening but this is a huge improvement to what was happening before. I would think about writing everyday and then the days, weeks, months and even years would pass and I will still never sit down and write. Of course, this is not what I pictured I would be writing about. I think this is one of the reason’s I never got started, I was waiting for amazing inspiration that would strike me, or  I would have all this time waiting for me so I could just take my time, edit and really process something I thought would be worth a read. I have decided to throw out the idea perfect. I finally realized that just like there is never a perfect time to have a baby, neither will there be a perfect time to write. 

Last time I sat down to write, I stated that I started a couple of challenges. Boy, am I a competitive person. This was just the right amount of accountability to kick my butt into gear. To add to the fuel, my kids and husband decided to join me! This is a huge success for me and the whole family! Since Monday, we  have all gone hiking each night after dinner. Another bonus is, Sean is not eating out for lunch, and he has been totally agreeable about this! If you know my husband you will know he is quite stubborn in his ways and he loves eating out. If he could eat out every meal he would. This is not only a big waste of money it is also terrible for the body. When we first starting dating this was one of the only things we disagreed about, and he would complain when I would insist I pack a lunch for him and then would still eat out and waste the lunch I made for him. It drove me bananas and after a while I just gave up, as the fights weren’t worth it. We have been married for 17 years now and I guess the investment of educating him on the numbers and health draw backs are finally paying off. 

Speaking of 17 years married, I want to say this, marriage is hard!! We are polar opposites. We were brought up so differently. He loves things like football which I despise. When we started dating he liked to eat cheese that came out of a can. Yuck! He teases me about being a tree hugging hippy, and I would make fun of him for being a white trash, redneck jock. I am telling you, polar opposites! And yet, we are a perfect pair. The things that really matter keep us going. We love being parents, we love building a future together. Surprisingly, enough we love the same design of homes and for the most part agree on politics. We both love the outdoors and nature. We both get the same good and bad vibes from people. We love to people watch or plan what we would do if we won the lottery on date nights. Our core values are the same. We have plenty of moments, when it comes to movies, music and food where we disagree. We get tired and overwhelmed by all the things it takes to keep a business and household running. We get snippy and naggy with each other but still we are solid. 

It is wonderful to look back on our time together and see how far we have come. Things haven’t been easy. We have had no place to live, no money for food, and no car to drive. We went from crashing at other peoples houses, to getting a one room apartment, to a one bedroom apartment, to a 3 bedroom house. We have moved cross country to have to turn around and move back. We went from paycheck to paycheck as employees, to building a successful business and actually being able to pay our bills and being able to save. The bumps in the road have been insane and I was sure at times we would not survive. We lost our house to foreclosure in the 2008 recession. We lost our home to a fire which could have killed us if we hadn’t been woken by the smoke detector. We have been so far in debt that we couldn’t see straight or breath, and yet here we are still standing. The idea of doing any of those things by myself is truly a scary proposition. Thank goodness, I am married to a strong and capable person. He is such a great partner. We have been dealt crap hands, we have had to work for everything we have and yet we are still pushing towards a better life. We want to get better everyday. We want the best for our children, and we have worked as a team to make that happen. I love the family we are, even if I also freak out that we aren’t perfect. This is something I am working on, since I know perfection is unattainable, I still want it. 

Well, this was a good exercise. I needed to write this, for me, my husband and my marriage. We are tough, life kicks back and I am happy I have someone to share the hard times and the good times with. We have had plenty of both and I look forward to many more years of kicking ass and taking names! Sending you all lots of love for the hard times, keep at it, it will pass until the next hard time! ; )

Love, Becca the Bad