It's a Constant Balancing Act

I am not sure where to start. I have been working so hard, or at least I feel like I am working hard to improve things around the house, my body, our family business and homeschool the kids. It is truly a balancing act every single day between not over working myself, burning out completely and being cranky because of it or forgetting the key task that have to get done or just tossing in the towel on the day completely. The worst part is that most days I skate right where I should be, yet I am having to force myself to be happy about the day I had since my house is only half cleaned or a complete mess. Sometimes, I feel like I should rename this blog, Recovering Paralyzed Procrastinator or It’s a Constant Balancing Act. 

I was doing really good with the challenges that I had set for myself and started but it lasted only 4 days. It was Thursday the 4th day when my little one got a fever and insisted on sleeping on me most of the day. The following day, Friday, my neck and shoulders were super kinked and I couldn’t move. On Saturday morning I could feel an improvement and this is an ALL hands with the family to tackle the house and other project that need to get handled, and this Saturday we chose to handle the backyard and porch. I chose to sweep and handle cobwebs. Before we even got to lunch, I could barely move. Luckily, I had a Chiropractor appointment later that day. 

We are currently sitting at Wednesday and I am still recovering. My neck and shoulders are better and yes I can move but I am doing my best to take it easy, no heavy lifting and when I do need to pick up something I really make sure that I am in the right position to lift. 

This is just a time period in my life. I remember going through it with all my kids when they were young. It is hard to be a mom, especially when they are under 5. Your body isn’t yours, you are constantly interrupted and you are mentally taxed each and every single day. Yet, I crave and miss the snuggles, kisses and being needed, which is probably why I keep having them the way I do. 

Some of the ways I combated this was I got out of the house and focused on other things and tasks, and get my father to babysit or play with them while I got work done. This was super helpful. While I do have Grandpa to help me a few days a week, Reddington, is a bit more needy then the others. He is not a great eater, and so chooses to nurse most of the day. Ugh, I hate even writing this because I am mostly likely going to get unsolicited advice on how I can handle my son to be a better eater or if I stopped nursing at night then you would get better sleep or whatever. But, I am not writing this so I can get help, I am writing this because it is just true in my life and I want you to know that things in life are hard sometimes. That’s it. 

I believe, I know what is best for my kids and part of that is to try, error and/or try something new.  I look at the child in front of me and I see what is needed of me. And sometimes it’s hard work to put things aside for them, but in the end I feel that its worth it. I don’t want to parent another way. I want to learn and try things that I feel might work, but I don’t want to try something I know in my gut feels wrong. I overheard some parents talking once about a method of parenting that I whole heartedly would not want to ever do with my children. I am not saying what it is because, I am not interested in making a mother wrong if they in fact do it, which is totally fine by the way, you do you, it also has nothing to do with my point… or does it, I don’t know. Look, I have adult children, I have passed through the crazy and come out the other side. And I am here to tell you that what you do in the early years effects them for life. They might not “hate” you at the time of your actions because they are too little to fight you and win but there comes a day when they are big enough and they think they can do this life without you and your help. 

They will either grow up trusting, communicating, and looking to you for advice or they will self soothe as they say or find someone other than you. You want your teenagers and young adults to come to you for advice and not their stupid friends.  You don’t get there just cause you have the title of mom, they may not hate you but they might not trust you. I love my kids unconditionally and they know it, and just cause they know it today doesn’t mean I won’t have to prove it tomorrow. This does not mean, let them walk all over you, set no boundaries and self sacrifice to your children. It means listen to what your child is saying, talk to them, let them know what is going on. It means making sure they are well fed, and rested. It means put down your phone, snuggle and play with them. It means teaching them manors and treating others with kindness by modeling it when you talk to them. Your kids need to know what is ok and what isn’t ok, but most of the time they know. They might not know how you prefer the dishwasher to get loaded until you show them, but they do know they shouldn’t dump their water all over the floor. It is ok to say, “Not cool, here is a towel, clean it up.” But, don’t waste your breath and energy lecturing them about it. 

It’s a balancing act! The best guild I have, is to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. I do my best to look at things through their eyes. 

This helped me. It was a good reminder. This time come and goes. Got to love on myself, so I can love on my babes. Brain dump on the page as my outlet and here I am loving my job as a mother again! 

I love the saying, “The days are long but the years are short!” It is so true, when they are little it feels long, and then when they just pop in for a short visit as adults you think, “how did you grow up so fast?” 

Love, Becca the Bad

Getting My Shit Together!

Please, tell me that I am not the only one overwhelmed by the never ending lists of things to do. I feel a constant pull towards getting all the things done so I have “time” to garden, bake, decorate, and get organized. There are things that I need to do daily, and then there are things I need to do once a week, or monthly and oh my gosh, keeping them all straight. I fantasize about establishing the perfect routine so that I can put my life on autopilot. I read books and listen to podcasts on organization, decluttering, doing less, doing more, procrastination and bullet journaling so that I can finally feel like I have it all together. I go in and out of being totally motivated and happy with my progress to feeling that I am not even close to getting to where I want to be. 

I am writing this for myself, to work through some of my frustrations. I want to have a clean and organized home. I want to have systems in place so that I can easily find the things I need. I want to be so organized that it will take me minutes to get out of the house. I want systems for our businesses, so that it takes me very little time to handle all the administration, legal and financials of the companies.  What I really want is OCD, no, not really but I would love to have a natural inclination to be put together in such a way that I walk smoothly through the day, not feeling frazzled or forgetting the really important tasks. 

I love lists. I write them all the time. I love checking off tasks and feeling a sense of accomplishment. I know that I have a problem with celebrating my achievements. I know I have a problem with slipping into over indulging on Social Media. I can mindlessly lose much of my day by not having made a list. I also, have a problem with writing a list in one place and then starting another list somewhere else. I have too many work spaces because I share a working computer with my husband and then I have another desk at the other end of the house. I know, I am not set up for production. Although, the other problem entirely is that I can’t neglect the daily things to tackle the large tasks to get things running more smoothly. I am making progress but I am having a hard time measuring it, or tracking it. I keep talking about it and writing about it and then occasionally doing something about it but the speed is slow and this is frustrating. The other big issue is priority. How do I decide? It all seems important.

In order to get a handle on things, I am going to take sometime to process all the things getting in my way of production. This is part of it. I am writing this, knowing I am posting it. I am going to use this as accountability. I know not having a “boss” is preventing me from working at the level I am capable of. This has always been a sore spot for me. I tell myself I am gonna do xyz and then I get distracted and waste time. I love saying yes and being helpful to others but it is a perfect way to not get done what I need to. If I had a boss expecting me to do something, I would have no problem with buckling down, saying no to other things and just getting it done. This is me, telling you, I am going to take the small daily steps to getting all the things in a proper order, while at the same time coping with the everyday derailments that will occur even with the best intentions. 

I am currently dealing with having a very needed toddler. I am still in transition mode since we moved recently, and in such a hurry, that nothing was properly gone through beforehand. I have so many different hats that it is hard to handle them all with the love and care I would like, plus I have other itches, such as writing that I need to make time for otherwise in the years to come I will kick myself for not just doing it. I don’t want to miss quality time with my kids, they really do grow so fast! I want to stop neglecting my marriage, while we are solid as a rock, I know that this is one of the most important areas of my life and he always gets the crumbs. I can’t stand that. Sean is the best partner around and I am so very lucky to have him but he gets the worst of me, which brings out the worst in him and that is not fair to either of us. And if that were not enough, we have back taxes and IRS things to deal with, a new business, and a new dog, correction, puppy that needs to be trained. Ugh, I am overwhelmed just writing this. 

Balance, it is all about balance, taking it one day at a time, one project at a time, and doing what I am doing while I am doing it. I know these are all true statements, even though, I want to do it all, have it all and be it all perfectly and simultaneously. I know I can get a bunch done when I focus on the task ahead of me. I also know that if I take the time to get organized and set timers I can move myself and my family into the direction we want it to go. I will celebrate my dones, but first I have to put all my lists together in one place. I will write the daily check lists. I will write my weekly tasks as well as monthly. I will post them where I can see them in the areas that I need them. I will write my leaving the house checklist. Once that is done, I will get to work, and only do what is on the list. If I think of something I won’t just go do it, I will add it to my list and finish what I am working on. I will make sure my daily checklists include, walks with my family and dog, reading out loud to my children, writing and all the little things that make me happy so as to reward my progress. 

You heard it here first! I am getting organized and less overwhelmed! Who’s with me? I am going to prepare for a highly productive week and I will be sure to let you know how I did. I really love a challenge, so I joined two, which start Monday. One is called 75HARD and another one is a productivity challenge with Jordan Page of Fun, Cheap or Free, if anyone is interested in doing them with me to help you with your own “get your shit together” journey, please, let me know! 

Much love, Becca The Bad  

My Morning So Far...

I have friends coming over to my house for a play date, today. The reason I decided to have a little play date at my house was because I thought it would help me get the house clean. It worked, I just cleaned it too soon. I had the house looking great on Friday. The problem with that is we had a sleepover and Halloween this past weekend. I had two soccer games and plenty of other weekend distractions. Also, my oldest son just turned 13 on Monday, so I have my work cut out for me. Really, I should be cleaning right now. 

Here I am being distracted, because I just had to share. I thought I would be smart and kill two birds with one stone my having my 9 year daughter take a bath with my 1 year old son. That way I don’t have to do the bathing and I can get some cleaning done. Only, as I am making my way to the bathroom to take them out do I hear yelling from my daughter. When I arrived to the bath, I see my daughter standing on the edge of the bathtub. “Why?” You ask? Cause my son, Payton, had pooped in the bathtub. Yay!!!! I just spent the past 30 minutes cleaning my tub and children. 

Okay, back to work! 

Love, Rebecca