It's a Constant Balancing Act

I am not sure where to start. I have been working so hard, or at least I feel like I am working hard to improve things around the house, my body, our family business and homeschool the kids. It is truly a balancing act every single day between not over working myself, burning out completely and being cranky because of it or forgetting the key task that have to get done or just tossing in the towel on the day completely. The worst part is that most days I skate right where I should be, yet I am having to force myself to be happy about the day I had since my house is only half cleaned or a complete mess. Sometimes, I feel like I should rename this blog, Recovering Paralyzed Procrastinator or It’s a Constant Balancing Act. 

I was doing really good with the challenges that I had set for myself and started but it lasted only 4 days. It was Thursday the 4th day when my little one got a fever and insisted on sleeping on me most of the day. The following day, Friday, my neck and shoulders were super kinked and I couldn’t move. On Saturday morning I could feel an improvement and this is an ALL hands with the family to tackle the house and other project that need to get handled, and this Saturday we chose to handle the backyard and porch. I chose to sweep and handle cobwebs. Before we even got to lunch, I could barely move. Luckily, I had a Chiropractor appointment later that day. 

We are currently sitting at Wednesday and I am still recovering. My neck and shoulders are better and yes I can move but I am doing my best to take it easy, no heavy lifting and when I do need to pick up something I really make sure that I am in the right position to lift. 

This is just a time period in my life. I remember going through it with all my kids when they were young. It is hard to be a mom, especially when they are under 5. Your body isn’t yours, you are constantly interrupted and you are mentally taxed each and every single day. Yet, I crave and miss the snuggles, kisses and being needed, which is probably why I keep having them the way I do. 

Some of the ways I combated this was I got out of the house and focused on other things and tasks, and get my father to babysit or play with them while I got work done. This was super helpful. While I do have Grandpa to help me a few days a week, Reddington, is a bit more needy then the others. He is not a great eater, and so chooses to nurse most of the day. Ugh, I hate even writing this because I am mostly likely going to get unsolicited advice on how I can handle my son to be a better eater or if I stopped nursing at night then you would get better sleep or whatever. But, I am not writing this so I can get help, I am writing this because it is just true in my life and I want you to know that things in life are hard sometimes. That’s it. 

I believe, I know what is best for my kids and part of that is to try, error and/or try something new.  I look at the child in front of me and I see what is needed of me. And sometimes it’s hard work to put things aside for them, but in the end I feel that its worth it. I don’t want to parent another way. I want to learn and try things that I feel might work, but I don’t want to try something I know in my gut feels wrong. I overheard some parents talking once about a method of parenting that I whole heartedly would not want to ever do with my children. I am not saying what it is because, I am not interested in making a mother wrong if they in fact do it, which is totally fine by the way, you do you, it also has nothing to do with my point… or does it, I don’t know. Look, I have adult children, I have passed through the crazy and come out the other side. And I am here to tell you that what you do in the early years effects them for life. They might not “hate” you at the time of your actions because they are too little to fight you and win but there comes a day when they are big enough and they think they can do this life without you and your help. 

They will either grow up trusting, communicating, and looking to you for advice or they will self soothe as they say or find someone other than you. You want your teenagers and young adults to come to you for advice and not their stupid friends.  You don’t get there just cause you have the title of mom, they may not hate you but they might not trust you. I love my kids unconditionally and they know it, and just cause they know it today doesn’t mean I won’t have to prove it tomorrow. This does not mean, let them walk all over you, set no boundaries and self sacrifice to your children. It means listen to what your child is saying, talk to them, let them know what is going on. It means making sure they are well fed, and rested. It means put down your phone, snuggle and play with them. It means teaching them manors and treating others with kindness by modeling it when you talk to them. Your kids need to know what is ok and what isn’t ok, but most of the time they know. They might not know how you prefer the dishwasher to get loaded until you show them, but they do know they shouldn’t dump their water all over the floor. It is ok to say, “Not cool, here is a towel, clean it up.” But, don’t waste your breath and energy lecturing them about it. 

It’s a balancing act! The best guild I have, is to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. I do my best to look at things through their eyes. 

This helped me. It was a good reminder. This time come and goes. Got to love on myself, so I can love on my babes. Brain dump on the page as my outlet and here I am loving my job as a mother again! 

I love the saying, “The days are long but the years are short!” It is so true, when they are little it feels long, and then when they just pop in for a short visit as adults you think, “how did you grow up so fast?” 

Love, Becca the Bad