It's a Constant Balancing Act

I am not sure where to start. I have been working so hard, or at least I feel like I am working hard to improve things around the house, my body, our family business and homeschool the kids. It is truly a balancing act every single day between not over working myself, burning out completely and being cranky because of it or forgetting the key task that have to get done or just tossing in the towel on the day completely. The worst part is that most days I skate right where I should be, yet I am having to force myself to be happy about the day I had since my house is only half cleaned or a complete mess. Sometimes, I feel like I should rename this blog, Recovering Paralyzed Procrastinator or It’s a Constant Balancing Act. 

I was doing really good with the challenges that I had set for myself and started but it lasted only 4 days. It was Thursday the 4th day when my little one got a fever and insisted on sleeping on me most of the day. The following day, Friday, my neck and shoulders were super kinked and I couldn’t move. On Saturday morning I could feel an improvement and this is an ALL hands with the family to tackle the house and other project that need to get handled, and this Saturday we chose to handle the backyard and porch. I chose to sweep and handle cobwebs. Before we even got to lunch, I could barely move. Luckily, I had a Chiropractor appointment later that day. 

We are currently sitting at Wednesday and I am still recovering. My neck and shoulders are better and yes I can move but I am doing my best to take it easy, no heavy lifting and when I do need to pick up something I really make sure that I am in the right position to lift. 

This is just a time period in my life. I remember going through it with all my kids when they were young. It is hard to be a mom, especially when they are under 5. Your body isn’t yours, you are constantly interrupted and you are mentally taxed each and every single day. Yet, I crave and miss the snuggles, kisses and being needed, which is probably why I keep having them the way I do. 

Some of the ways I combated this was I got out of the house and focused on other things and tasks, and get my father to babysit or play with them while I got work done. This was super helpful. While I do have Grandpa to help me a few days a week, Reddington, is a bit more needy then the others. He is not a great eater, and so chooses to nurse most of the day. Ugh, I hate even writing this because I am mostly likely going to get unsolicited advice on how I can handle my son to be a better eater or if I stopped nursing at night then you would get better sleep or whatever. But, I am not writing this so I can get help, I am writing this because it is just true in my life and I want you to know that things in life are hard sometimes. That’s it. 

I believe, I know what is best for my kids and part of that is to try, error and/or try something new.  I look at the child in front of me and I see what is needed of me. And sometimes it’s hard work to put things aside for them, but in the end I feel that its worth it. I don’t want to parent another way. I want to learn and try things that I feel might work, but I don’t want to try something I know in my gut feels wrong. I overheard some parents talking once about a method of parenting that I whole heartedly would not want to ever do with my children. I am not saying what it is because, I am not interested in making a mother wrong if they in fact do it, which is totally fine by the way, you do you, it also has nothing to do with my point… or does it, I don’t know. Look, I have adult children, I have passed through the crazy and come out the other side. And I am here to tell you that what you do in the early years effects them for life. They might not “hate” you at the time of your actions because they are too little to fight you and win but there comes a day when they are big enough and they think they can do this life without you and your help. 

They will either grow up trusting, communicating, and looking to you for advice or they will self soothe as they say or find someone other than you. You want your teenagers and young adults to come to you for advice and not their stupid friends.  You don’t get there just cause you have the title of mom, they may not hate you but they might not trust you. I love my kids unconditionally and they know it, and just cause they know it today doesn’t mean I won’t have to prove it tomorrow. This does not mean, let them walk all over you, set no boundaries and self sacrifice to your children. It means listen to what your child is saying, talk to them, let them know what is going on. It means making sure they are well fed, and rested. It means put down your phone, snuggle and play with them. It means teaching them manors and treating others with kindness by modeling it when you talk to them. Your kids need to know what is ok and what isn’t ok, but most of the time they know. They might not know how you prefer the dishwasher to get loaded until you show them, but they do know they shouldn’t dump their water all over the floor. It is ok to say, “Not cool, here is a towel, clean it up.” But, don’t waste your breath and energy lecturing them about it. 

It’s a balancing act! The best guild I have, is to treat my kids how I would want to be treated. I do my best to look at things through their eyes. 

This helped me. It was a good reminder. This time come and goes. Got to love on myself, so I can love on my babes. Brain dump on the page as my outlet and here I am loving my job as a mother again! 

I love the saying, “The days are long but the years are short!” It is so true, when they are little it feels long, and then when they just pop in for a short visit as adults you think, “how did you grow up so fast?” 

Love, Becca the Bad

Grateful

Oh my gosh, is it just me or is there always work to do? Yeah, I thought so, we are all busy but is it productive? I will say that I am doing pretty good since Monday, so good in fact that I have very little time to write as I am getting “all the things,” done. I really feel the pull that this is not what I should be doing, but I made a promise to myself that I would write every day. Everyday is not happening but this is a huge improvement to what was happening before. I would think about writing everyday and then the days, weeks, months and even years would pass and I will still never sit down and write. Of course, this is not what I pictured I would be writing about. I think this is one of the reason’s I never got started, I was waiting for amazing inspiration that would strike me, or  I would have all this time waiting for me so I could just take my time, edit and really process something I thought would be worth a read. I have decided to throw out the idea perfect. I finally realized that just like there is never a perfect time to have a baby, neither will there be a perfect time to write. 

Last time I sat down to write, I stated that I started a couple of challenges. Boy, am I a competitive person. This was just the right amount of accountability to kick my butt into gear. To add to the fuel, my kids and husband decided to join me! This is a huge success for me and the whole family! Since Monday, we  have all gone hiking each night after dinner. Another bonus is, Sean is not eating out for lunch, and he has been totally agreeable about this! If you know my husband you will know he is quite stubborn in his ways and he loves eating out. If he could eat out every meal he would. This is not only a big waste of money it is also terrible for the body. When we first starting dating this was one of the only things we disagreed about, and he would complain when I would insist I pack a lunch for him and then would still eat out and waste the lunch I made for him. It drove me bananas and after a while I just gave up, as the fights weren’t worth it. We have been married for 17 years now and I guess the investment of educating him on the numbers and health draw backs are finally paying off. 

Speaking of 17 years married, I want to say this, marriage is hard!! We are polar opposites. We were brought up so differently. He loves things like football which I despise. When we started dating he liked to eat cheese that came out of a can. Yuck! He teases me about being a tree hugging hippy, and I would make fun of him for being a white trash, redneck jock. I am telling you, polar opposites! And yet, we are a perfect pair. The things that really matter keep us going. We love being parents, we love building a future together. Surprisingly, enough we love the same design of homes and for the most part agree on politics. We both love the outdoors and nature. We both get the same good and bad vibes from people. We love to people watch or plan what we would do if we won the lottery on date nights. Our core values are the same. We have plenty of moments, when it comes to movies, music and food where we disagree. We get tired and overwhelmed by all the things it takes to keep a business and household running. We get snippy and naggy with each other but still we are solid. 

It is wonderful to look back on our time together and see how far we have come. Things haven’t been easy. We have had no place to live, no money for food, and no car to drive. We went from crashing at other peoples houses, to getting a one room apartment, to a one bedroom apartment, to a 3 bedroom house. We have moved cross country to have to turn around and move back. We went from paycheck to paycheck as employees, to building a successful business and actually being able to pay our bills and being able to save. The bumps in the road have been insane and I was sure at times we would not survive. We lost our house to foreclosure in the 2008 recession. We lost our home to a fire which could have killed us if we hadn’t been woken by the smoke detector. We have been so far in debt that we couldn’t see straight or breath, and yet here we are still standing. The idea of doing any of those things by myself is truly a scary proposition. Thank goodness, I am married to a strong and capable person. He is such a great partner. We have been dealt crap hands, we have had to work for everything we have and yet we are still pushing towards a better life. We want to get better everyday. We want the best for our children, and we have worked as a team to make that happen. I love the family we are, even if I also freak out that we aren’t perfect. This is something I am working on, since I know perfection is unattainable, I still want it. 

Well, this was a good exercise. I needed to write this, for me, my husband and my marriage. We are tough, life kicks back and I am happy I have someone to share the hard times and the good times with. We have had plenty of both and I look forward to many more years of kicking ass and taking names! Sending you all lots of love for the hard times, keep at it, it will pass until the next hard time! ; )

Love, Becca the Bad 

Getting My Shit Together!

Please, tell me that I am not the only one overwhelmed by the never ending lists of things to do. I feel a constant pull towards getting all the things done so I have “time” to garden, bake, decorate, and get organized. There are things that I need to do daily, and then there are things I need to do once a week, or monthly and oh my gosh, keeping them all straight. I fantasize about establishing the perfect routine so that I can put my life on autopilot. I read books and listen to podcasts on organization, decluttering, doing less, doing more, procrastination and bullet journaling so that I can finally feel like I have it all together. I go in and out of being totally motivated and happy with my progress to feeling that I am not even close to getting to where I want to be. 

I am writing this for myself, to work through some of my frustrations. I want to have a clean and organized home. I want to have systems in place so that I can easily find the things I need. I want to be so organized that it will take me minutes to get out of the house. I want systems for our businesses, so that it takes me very little time to handle all the administration, legal and financials of the companies.  What I really want is OCD, no, not really but I would love to have a natural inclination to be put together in such a way that I walk smoothly through the day, not feeling frazzled or forgetting the really important tasks. 

I love lists. I write them all the time. I love checking off tasks and feeling a sense of accomplishment. I know that I have a problem with celebrating my achievements. I know I have a problem with slipping into over indulging on Social Media. I can mindlessly lose much of my day by not having made a list. I also, have a problem with writing a list in one place and then starting another list somewhere else. I have too many work spaces because I share a working computer with my husband and then I have another desk at the other end of the house. I know, I am not set up for production. Although, the other problem entirely is that I can’t neglect the daily things to tackle the large tasks to get things running more smoothly. I am making progress but I am having a hard time measuring it, or tracking it. I keep talking about it and writing about it and then occasionally doing something about it but the speed is slow and this is frustrating. The other big issue is priority. How do I decide? It all seems important.

In order to get a handle on things, I am going to take sometime to process all the things getting in my way of production. This is part of it. I am writing this, knowing I am posting it. I am going to use this as accountability. I know not having a “boss” is preventing me from working at the level I am capable of. This has always been a sore spot for me. I tell myself I am gonna do xyz and then I get distracted and waste time. I love saying yes and being helpful to others but it is a perfect way to not get done what I need to. If I had a boss expecting me to do something, I would have no problem with buckling down, saying no to other things and just getting it done. This is me, telling you, I am going to take the small daily steps to getting all the things in a proper order, while at the same time coping with the everyday derailments that will occur even with the best intentions. 

I am currently dealing with having a very needed toddler. I am still in transition mode since we moved recently, and in such a hurry, that nothing was properly gone through beforehand. I have so many different hats that it is hard to handle them all with the love and care I would like, plus I have other itches, such as writing that I need to make time for otherwise in the years to come I will kick myself for not just doing it. I don’t want to miss quality time with my kids, they really do grow so fast! I want to stop neglecting my marriage, while we are solid as a rock, I know that this is one of the most important areas of my life and he always gets the crumbs. I can’t stand that. Sean is the best partner around and I am so very lucky to have him but he gets the worst of me, which brings out the worst in him and that is not fair to either of us. And if that were not enough, we have back taxes and IRS things to deal with, a new business, and a new dog, correction, puppy that needs to be trained. Ugh, I am overwhelmed just writing this. 

Balance, it is all about balance, taking it one day at a time, one project at a time, and doing what I am doing while I am doing it. I know these are all true statements, even though, I want to do it all, have it all and be it all perfectly and simultaneously. I know I can get a bunch done when I focus on the task ahead of me. I also know that if I take the time to get organized and set timers I can move myself and my family into the direction we want it to go. I will celebrate my dones, but first I have to put all my lists together in one place. I will write the daily check lists. I will write my weekly tasks as well as monthly. I will post them where I can see them in the areas that I need them. I will write my leaving the house checklist. Once that is done, I will get to work, and only do what is on the list. If I think of something I won’t just go do it, I will add it to my list and finish what I am working on. I will make sure my daily checklists include, walks with my family and dog, reading out loud to my children, writing and all the little things that make me happy so as to reward my progress. 

You heard it here first! I am getting organized and less overwhelmed! Who’s with me? I am going to prepare for a highly productive week and I will be sure to let you know how I did. I really love a challenge, so I joined two, which start Monday. One is called 75HARD and another one is a productivity challenge with Jordan Page of Fun, Cheap or Free, if anyone is interested in doing them with me to help you with your own “get your shit together” journey, please, let me know! 

Much love, Becca The Bad  

How to Not Struggle with Homeschooling

Oh man. I took a few days off from writing. Although, I still did do some journaling, I did not have a chance to sit down at the computer to write. We went on a wonderful camping trip up by Kern River. That was exactly what I needed. It wasn’t easy, I don’t particularly like being sweaty, and dirty or even sleeping any where besides my bed, oh and I like having a toilet close by me. Yet, camping is a freedom to just relax and enjoy the beauty that is around me. 

I was planning on writing about homeschooling, since I have had a bunch of messages with questions on the how’s of homeschooling. During this time of quarantine a lot of people are looking at homeschooling as the only option. In my opinion this can either be a blessing or a curse. You can enjoy this time with your children or you can make this time super hard. Now, I am not sitting on my high horse of enjoyment. I struggle with enjoying the time with my children at least once a day. The thing is, homeschooling is hard, a real labor of love. 

I am going to take some time to tell you what I am normally doing when I struggle with my children. The first area is comparing. If I am comparing my child to other peoples children, or what grade they are supposed to be in or how the other child of mine learned something and its not working for the next child, I mean any kind of comparing, I will be in trouble it will be painful and my children reject me and my need to change things because they aren’t cutting it. If you find yourself stressing over how your child is not matching up to the other kids or grade level, STOP, I promise this should not be something you stress about. Your child can totally sense this and it is NOT good for them and it will not help them do well by you comparing them to their sibling or the neighbor or what you see on TV or Social. 

If I am not completely looking at the child in front of me, we will both struggle. EVERYONE is different, and that is the beauty of homeschooling, you can custom things for that child, and yourself. The possibilities are endless. Homeschooling to be successful will not look like school. I will repeat this because I really think this is important to understand. Successful homeschooling does not look like school, heck sometimes it doesn’t even look like learning is happening, it could be fun and messy. I know this is a huge and foreign concept for most but the fact of the matter is education and schooling are two different things. Schooling is gaining skills in test taking, getting facts, and doing busy work, like school work pages. 

Parents typically want to see their children hitting the check boxes, they need to be  sitting at a desk, and keeping in pace and making sure no lesson is left behind. When I first started homeschooling people asked me if I was worried that they would have gaps in their education, and yes, I was completely terrified. Heck, I dropped out of high school, and when I went to high school I barely paid attention or even made it into class. How was I going to be a good teacher to my children? Now, I just want to say before I am completely derailed in this topic is that I love check boxing. I love lists and routines and all my children have expectations that have been listed out in a notebook, or printed out, we have done it all. This works for me and my sanity, but I can absolutely toss that all out the window when it is not working and try something else. I am always piloting, and adjusting and that is just the fact of life. We all have different situations, kids get older, you have another baby, you move, etc. You can always guarantee and expect that things will change, and your children’s educational needs will change and so will yours if you make it part of your job to learn and grow right along with your children. 

I am sure you have heard this before but I am gonna say it again because it is so important. Model for your children. How do you want them to behave? What habits do you want them to have? Do those things, and do them so your children see you doing it! They do what you do way more than they do what you say. So, live the life you want your children emulate. I will tell you a little story to illustrate this. When my oldest was little the Harry Potter books were just gaining popularity. Every weekend, I would babysit another little boy his age and I would read Harry Potter, while keeping an eye on them, well sort of, I would look up if it was too quiet or too noisy. When I made it to book 3, and Gabriel, my oldest was about 2 and a half at the time, I would look up from my book when it was too quiet and I would always find the boys either asleep with books in their hands or wide awake looking at books. They were just doing what they saw me doing. I never really noticed this as a thing until my 3rd was little and he was obsessed with my smart phone, it was a new thing, I was still reading my books but they had moved to my phone. When I realized that, I switched to reading quietly everyday with my kids playing near by. I love reading, escaping into a book is a favorite of mine. It is easier to read from my phone as it is with me wherever I go but this taught nothing to my two youngest. My two oldest on the other hand are HUGE readers, they prefer books, real ones. And even though my 3rd, was a late reader and it was definitely more work to get him to be a happy reader, it took me changing the way I modeled my actions. 

I hope this gave you some tips on what to do as a homeschooler, or even parenting. I will probably do more blog posts like this so if you have any questions or requests let me know. I do think that stressing with your children and pushing past a happy place with their education is the wrong way to go. Instead of diving into buying all the things, like workbooks, curriculum or some other program I would invite you to take it slow, read lots of books on education and homeschooling. Find some fun and educational Podcasts, enjoy doing lots of walks and talks with your kids. Read out load to your kids from all sorts of books, like Adventure, History, and Science. Spend time quiet reading together everyday. Cook food together, and pack picnic lunches and explore nature. Talk to your kids, listen to what they like or enjoy, tell them stories of your life and lessons you have learned. Teach them about saving, spending and giving. Show them how to clean and organize. It is never too early or late to show your children how to do all the things, like laundry, dishes, dusting, and taking care of your body. 

A few of my favorite books to get you started on Education, Parenting and Homeschooling are How Children Learn by John Holt, The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise, The braver Learner by Julie Bogart (I love Julie Bogart, she is so awesome, I love almost everything she says!), and Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Oh and one more, I wish I had read when I was a teenager, its call the Teenage Liberation Handbooks, How to Quit School and Get a Real Education. 

With the libraries currently closed it maybe a bit hard to get these books. I will admit that I am still listening to audiobooks via my phone using my library card. And when I just have to own the book, I have gotten pretty lucky at finding most books I want on Ebay for usually for less then 5 bucks. I use the Libby App to get my audio books via my library cards. I also love listening to podcasts, the ones I have listening to recently are 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms, 101 Homeschool Ideas, Homeschool Connections, and the Unschooling Life. If you have books or podcast you recommend, please put them in comments below! I am always on the look out for new things to listen to or read. 

And until next time, I will do me and you do you! 

Much Love, Becca the Bad

A Work in Progress

I consider myself to be a work in progress. I don’t think I will ever stop being this. This is a new concept for me. I have always known that one of the most important things for me to teach my children is the love of learning but what I don’t think I understood was that I would from this love of learning would mean that I would constantly evolve as a person and my goals and dreams would also evolve. 

When I first began my journey as a mother, I was a “working” mother, that dreamed of as she stressed her way through brushing her teeth and trying not to be late that someday she would be in a position to not rush somewhere. It pained me so much, every morning to wake up late, tired and frazzled, and then have to rush my baby boy to do the same because I had to go to work. The dream was there, I wanted more for my life, and eventually I got there. Wish is awesome when I look at it, I did this, I got to a point where my main “work” is being a mother and educator to my children. 

Now, when I dreamed of the day that I would live in a house and not an apartment, and that I had all the time in the world to do what I wanted with my children, I thought that was it and it would make me happy and my life would be perfect. It didn’t go that way. As a matter of fact, I was not happy, I mean, let me think about this. The day I stopped working a job for an employer was a crappy day. It was not how I planned it. I was stressed, it was a work environment I just couldn’t deal with and so I quit. During this time I was already homeschooling my two children and juggling work, in a new home, state and the job I had was in my mind temporary, it was a stepping stone to the life I wanted. 

I had a plan and the plan did not work out. I would say that overall I have always known what I wanted my life to look like. I am a visual person, a writer of lists and a planner, oh I love to plan, I might love this more than anything. I am going go off on this for a bit. Don’t do what I did, or do and have to catch myself doing, just because your life doesn’t look like how you want it to be right now does not mean that you can’t make it look that way in the future. You really have that power even if it seems super unrealistic. But, don’t not enjoy the life you are living just because it seems to suck right now. That’s the thing, I have the life I wanted when I was in my early 20’s. I wanted to not rush off to work, I wanted time to home educate my children, I wanted a home with a yard and a dog that I could take on long walks. I wanted a garden and time to cook yummy and healthy meals. And up until this point, I can’t remember the point where I rejoice that I made it. I made this life for myself. I haven’t taken the time to congratulate myself on achieving these goals. Instead, I forgot that these were things I had dreamed of, wished for, so I had the time to fulfill my goals as a mother, writer and artist. 

My point is that while I truly believe that all my dreaming, list making and planning was what helped me get to where I am right now, I have never stopped to realize how far I have come, because the second I got one of those things, I wasn’t now satisfied with my life, there was always so much I wasn’t doing, having or being. 

I literally was just thinking this yesterday, “My younger self would be so disappointed with me, because I hadn’t written that book, or any book for that matter.” And the list went on about the dumb choices and not perfect scenario of my life so far. Like oh my gosh girl, you wasted so much time, fill in the blank with some kind of time waster, it doesn’t matter cause I have done then all, instead of writing, or getting organized and having a clean house, or reading to my kids or making a healthy meal or learning to garden. What the hell? I stopped myself right then and there. Yes, I could have done things better, or so I think, but I have done so much, that I need to stop it doing this to myself. I need to change the way I view my life. Because, quite frankly, I know I have it good, and I didn’t always have things this good. 

The things is, and this really helps me put it into perspective, I am a work in progress and always will be. I will always want things to be better then they are, I will always want what I don’t have. 

The problem that I want to overcome and I am sure I will have to continue to remind myself of this is, just because you have a dream or goal for yourself doesn’t mean that you will somehow arrive at this utopia state and stop reaching for a new life. There is always going to be that new goal, dream or level I want to reach, but I can’t forget what I have accomplished and bask in the glory of getting there.  

The song “Climb” by Miley Cyrus used to annoy me, not because the song is bad, but because the lyrics didn’t make sense to me. “Its not about how fast you get there? It's not about what is waiting for you on the other side?” What, I want what is on the other side, I don’t want to wait, I want it now. Like seriously! I am not sure that I can’t change my mind about this but what I can do is realize that there are lots of mini accomplishments that I need to take credit for and that the life I am living right now is great, it’s not perfect because that isn’t attainable. PERFECTION IS NOT ATTAINABLE! I yelled that just incase you weren’t listening. I will enjoy this life better if I stop, stopping myself because it isn’t. I am a work in progress, always. 

Much love, Becca the Bad

Let's try this again.

Can I get a word count? I wanted to write in “notes” but I don’t have a word counter thingy on it, or at least I don’t know how it to give myself one. 

FOR years, I have wanted to write the thoughts in my head, down. They sounded good to me. I think daily, that I need to write. I think this in the shower when I actually get a shower, rare because I have had, another child, who is closing in on his second birthday. But, I digress. I want to be a writer. I want to bless myself with an outlet, but I also want to speak to that person that needs to read or hear my words. I have started a blog more than once and have quickly got distracted. I have started a memoir and then lost the passion for it. I have for lack of better words, procrastinated, over and over again. 

To combat my procrastination, I have read books about how to stop procrastinating, I have listened to podcasts and I have even done courses on how to not do that. 

“Just write,” they say. Just start, don’t let perfection paralyze you. I have heard all the stories, all the motivational videos, and pep talking me, into just starting. I was listening, but I still didn’t start. I would say, yes, but you are in a “season” where starting would be irresponsible. An example of this is “you have young children”. And then the motivational speaker would say, you need to make the time, if this is what you want. Think of Stephanie Meyers, her children were little when she wrote Twilight. And I would say, you are right, fuck it, I am gonna just start. Then the next voice would come in and say, you have back log taxes, your house is a mess, and you don’t have a place in your house to even write. I then say to myself, that’s fine just start small, don’t ignore all those things, just build the right routine and get started. But, I don’t, not for a while. 

I start, and I think, I can’t put this into the world with out someone editing it. I mean, shit, I don’t know if I am even making the point properly, I mean, are you even following this rambling? 

Fine, I have a friend, she is super smart, I will send it to her. She will correct my grammar and spelling and then I publish, remember, you just need to start. This plan backfires. She responds with love but the email she writes me is too long, I an’t even read it in one sitting without getting interrupted. It goes on about, what’s  my message, theme, or niche. “Who are you and what is your message?” 

What? Did she not even read what I wrote? I don’t even know who I am. I am freaking vomiting on the page so I can just start. Writers are supposed to write, right? I am hoping the work will help me find out who I am as a writer, I want to find my voice. Just as a side note, I have always worried that I have no direction, and this just added to my worry, of not knowing where I was going with all this. 

I go off to think, some more, cause I am good at that. The nice part of this, is the  only one critiquing my thoughts are me. That was several years ago. And after years of not writing, I am at it again. And I am doing my best to ignore the reasons to wait for a better time to get started. 

Here you go, my first 500 words! My word count is in. I got interrupted twice, but I did it anyway. P.S. I will not be re-reading or editing this as I go. All I will do is write 500 words or more each day. There is no special time of the day. I will not build a special perfect habit loop, that I will stick to. No, because let’s face it I am a mother of 4, and it is 3:16PM in the afternoon and I am still in my PJs, braless and my teeth need brushing. Don’t judge me, I can do that all by myself. Not everyday will be like this. Sometimes, I wake up before all my children and I work out, shower, and feel really good about myself. But, if I am being honest with you, I am feeling pretty good about myself right now. My children are all breathing, I did payroll for my company, finished school with my 4th grader and I am still writing, even though my 2 year old is up from his nap and kinda distracting me. My days look different from one day to the next, and yesterday, I got a ton of office work done, called the IRS, didn’t reach anyone that could help me before my phone died, mailed out taxes, late but better late then never! I even ditched the family and took the dog for a hike, and called a friend I have meaning to call. To me, that was a good day. Today, is also a good day. I love my life. But, I am also a critic. I am always thinking that my time could have been spent better, but then think, it is all perfect timing. It is special, no one else did it my way. We are all doing what we need to do in our own time, the time that works best for us. 

We spend, no, I spend too much time thinking there is a better way to do it and so never do it. Maybe there is but I would like to change how I am using my time. Instead of thinking about a better way, I am going to just start, and then continue and kinda make it up as I go, and if I find a sweet spot, a good routine, then maybe I will stick with it, or maybe I have a bad day, but this won’t derail me for another several years. I will just get back on the saddle so to speak and write another day, ideally the next day. 

Do you, and I will do me, even if that is different from day to day. 

Love, BeccaTheBad

My Heaven

I took my oldest son to King Fish in Glendale, and spent $97.45 on sushi grade fish and all the fixens for some sushi.

My son spent a few months last spring in Colorado with his Grandpa, who taught him how to make some basic sushi. I had meant to take him to purchase all that was needed to make some for us once he had returned but I just never made it go right or took the time to take him shopping. But, today the itch came and I scratched. 

Once we got home he went straight to work to prep for dinner. I went to nurse my youngest to sleep for his nap time. When I came out Gabriel (the oldest, 13 years) and my middle child, Alabama (9 years old) were getting along - a rare sight - and cutting and prepping for dinner TOGETHER. I walked away, hoping not to jinx this moment. 

When I returned after a relaxing shower, I found my daughter at the dinning room table, working on a math page- don't even remember asking her to do that, and Gabriel finishing up the most amazing spicy tuna, which he promptly had me try. 

This is Gabriel posing for the camera, with the spicy tuna he just made. 

This is my heaven.

As I type, my daughter is constructing a board game for later play. My house is not clean, but my children are happy and creating. I still have an hour before my husband should be home from work so my house will be clean soon. I <3 "unschooling," it is night and day to being a "homeschooling" teacher/mother. It is so nice not to stressed out about how many lessons got done. My kids are growing a learning and RETAINING their education. 

Best, Rebecca on Cloud 9

P.S. To top it off my baby boy, Payton, just woke up from his nap and angelically came out of his room  with a book in tow to read with me. 

Shower Thoughts

In the shower where most of my brilliant thinkings, writings, and ideas happen, today was no exception. Of course once I am dressed and ready to put it all down it has almost but disappeared. When will a "pensive"recorder be invented? I don't think a hand held tape recorder would do the trick as my thoughts are more like a symphony then one stream of words that would come out fast enough. You know what I mean?

I have recently unplugged the TV in my house. It only gets plugged in so that my husband can watch football. This came at the same time I heard about unschooling. I have been homeschooling my kids for the past 6ish years. I was pretty sure I was on the right path with my kids. I always had the notion that I needed to keep learning when it came to helping my kids grow and learn. I have heard the term unschooling via people's twitter discriptions. They were "unschooling" their children. It was on my list of things to check out. The idea seemed crazy, my kids would not learn if I stopped making them do their school work. Right?

But, then I went to a parenting seminar with my husband. Her name is Joke (Yo-ka) Reeder. She spoke straight to my being. She did not use the word "unschooling," I mean she works at a boarding school. What she did say made me view the term "unschooling," in a whole new light. And so, I turned off the screens in my house and ordered "unschooling," books from the library.

It wasn't like the TV and video games were a constant in my house. There were rules. They had to get their school work done, and their chores. We stayed busy enough that the TV was rarely on anyway, but the weekends and evenings came at my house and the TV was on. especially in my room. My husband would come home from a long day and he would be tired and he would go lay down and flip on the TV. Also, my youngest (2 years old) would wake up in the morning asking to watch Cars or Cars 2 or some such movie, and I would comply. Why? Cause I liked my mornings, I liked heading to the gym for an hour and get "me" time. I had been justifying why it was okay to hypnotize my kids. It wasn't like I didn't do a ton of things with kids to enrich their lives. But, I needed me time. Turns out that I can have me time and still not have the TV on. It took some adjusting but we are on our 2nd week with no TV.

Eventually, they just stopped asking to watch. They started playing together, by themselves. Reading more books by choice and my daughter (9 years old) has restarted writing a book that she started a year ago after we finished listening to all the Harry Potters during our 6 week road trip across the US. Anyway, we have our moments but I have been able to put my time back in. My kids are happier and they are remember their dreams and starting to go for them. Especially, now that I have stopped being the enforcer of school. I still don't have all the answers about how to "unschool" my kids but I do know that I am heading in the right direction. I am not pulling my hair out trying to get through the day. I am seeing my kids happy and pushing themselves to do what makes them happy. Which in turn makes me happy.

Which is why my shower thoughts were so awesome today. I was brain-storming how this whole "unschooling" was going to happen and I was thinking back through my kids drives. Meaning what drove them to learn something new. Surprisingly, enough I saw a common interest running through both my older kids (13 year old boy and 9 year old girl). That was animals, animals of all kind but, they both love the idea of Africa. I have a friend from South Africa and she has shown us lots of great photos of her African Safaris. I love the idea of traveling and seeing the world, shit, I spent months planning the road trip across the country. But, the idea of being out in the middle of wild Africa with 3 kids does not appeal to me, but if it does my kids then hey why not. And so it begins. We plan, ask questions, and budget this trip.

I told the kids that, Payton, the 2 year old, needs to be out of diapers. We also needed to do all the research to go. This was their trip. I asked the questions, how can we get there? Who do we know who has gone before? What questions should we ask to make out trip smooth and get the most out of the trip? What would we need to pack? What do we want to learn while we are there? What do we want to see? How much will it cost? How much do we need to save up for? How can we raise the money to go? Are there programs for people to go there? Where would we stay? What parks should we go to? What animals do we want to see and study? I mean the list can go on and on. Is Africa the place you want to and see? What time of the year is best to go?

And so it begins... Real education. :)

My Morning So Far...

I have friends coming over to my house for a play date, today. The reason I decided to have a little play date at my house was because I thought it would help me get the house clean. It worked, I just cleaned it too soon. I had the house looking great on Friday. The problem with that is we had a sleepover and Halloween this past weekend. I had two soccer games and plenty of other weekend distractions. Also, my oldest son just turned 13 on Monday, so I have my work cut out for me. Really, I should be cleaning right now. 

Here I am being distracted, because I just had to share. I thought I would be smart and kill two birds with one stone my having my 9 year daughter take a bath with my 1 year old son. That way I don’t have to do the bathing and I can get some cleaning done. Only, as I am making my way to the bathroom to take them out do I hear yelling from my daughter. When I arrived to the bath, I see my daughter standing on the edge of the bathtub. “Why?” You ask? Cause my son, Payton, had pooped in the bathtub. Yay!!!! I just spent the past 30 minutes cleaning my tub and children. 

Okay, back to work! 

Love, Rebecca

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I am a TV Addict

I have a love hate relationship with nights like these. Nights where I know I shouldn't have had that Chai Latte Ice Tea so late in the day but happy the house is quite and everyone is sleeping. This is where the mind doesn't sleep and so neither do I. I have to be up in 6 hours for my daughters soccer game. I won't get a nap because I have my son’s soccer game to attend in the afternoon and it is my day to bring the snacks. Which I have not shopped for so that is what I will be doing in between then games. 

What to write about at an hour such as this? Is it the time to complain that I have no self control and spend my time watching all the seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix. I am on Season 2 by the way so please don't spoil it for me by making any comments about what is currently happening on the show. Is the show still running? Don't bother answering me I can go on IMBD.com and find out. I love that app. I keep it close by for any random question I have of my latest viewing pleasure. I am sad to say that this show is quite the guilty pleasure. I can't exactly say why I love this show, but it sucks me in, well like most shows do. Today I giggled at scenes I am too embarrassed to mention. Tonight  I actually skipped down my hallway grinning from ear to ear, because the moment came when I was able to wiggle away from my sleeping son to grab a slice of pizza. I then took that slice of pizza back to bed with me, unpaused Gossip Girl and watched until my husband came to bed. I was about 2 inches from turning it back to Gossip Girl until my husband stirred and I decided it was better to write. But, what do I write about. Geez, my addiction to the show! I got problems. Netflix streaming is a dream come true and a curse all in it's self. I will admit it is not just Gossip Girl. It was Mad Men just before, and Greys Anatomy before that. I could go on to list, American Pickers, Weeds, Dexter, and Veronica Mars, but if I did I would feel compelled to tell you about, Lie to Me, 24, and The Office. I do have an excuse for my behavior. I wasn't always a TV addict. I used to read books, write and hang out with friends and family. I really feel like blaming this on my littlest and latest addition to the family, Payton. When he was really little I would read and nurse. But, as he got older 4 or 5 months, he got very picky about how he would nurse. He likes to be in bed with me on his side. He does not want me talking, or holding any book or typing on a computer. He will just stop nursing and get bitchy at me. He will actually shhhush me when I speak and knock any book out of my hand. I can get cleaver and contort my body so that he is not bothered by the book in my hand but it is not comfortable at all. And so came the habit of watching TV, whenever I nursed. It started with watching movies. But, I think I watched all the movies worth watching and many that were not. So, I turned to TV shows. Which never end! There is always something that forces you to watch the next episode. I literally have to pep talk myself out of my room so I can go about my other mommy duties. I know this won’t always be a problem but I can’t help but feel guilty. I never waste this much of my time on TV. I would rather waste my time reading a great book or writing the next great American novel, not wondering if Chuck and Blair will ever make a real go of it. 

xo xo,   Gossip Girl 

Sorry, couldn’t help myself! - Rebecca 

Being a Young Mother

I just finished reading an article about not judging young mothers. And it got me thinking about my own experience. I became pregnant with my oldest at 16. This was very much by choice. Actually, to be perfectly honest he (Gabriel) was the only child I conceived on purpose. I had moved out and had been out on my own for over a year, which at that age, a year is a long time. I had always wanted children and so it seem like a good enough time as any. And you know what, it was. I will admit I have at times thought about what I could have done if I had not had my son so early. But, really I don’t think much would be different. I just don’t think I would be happy the way I am happy now. I am not going to say that starting a family that early is for everyone. I have not meet a 16 year old that I would give the thumbs up to, or even an 18 year old for that matter. It is almost like this society is breeding irresponsibility in our youth. I watch an episode of teen mom and was horrified by their behavior. I am not saying that they don’t love their children because I know they do. I just think those girls were picked because of they way they make choices making for a more dramatic show. I remember the campaigns against teen pregnancy when I was in school and I really think that it worked to some degree. Most of the my friends from back east, at least the ones I am still in contact with have no children. I have one friend who recently became pregnant. But, really for the last 10 years NO one I knew in high school have had kids, even my friends who are 5 years older then me, which most of them were. Anyway, blah, blah, blah I am rambling. I wanted to mainly talk about my own experience as a young mother. So, here it goes. 

Being pregnant for the most part was a good experience. I only noticed a few stares and judgmental head shakes. At 30, I still get the “your so young” comments. The one and only comment that really pissed me off when I was pregnant, was a lady who was checking me out at the grocery store, she said, “Honey,” I hate when I get a called, honey, dear, sweetie, or what have you, by strangers. I am none of these things to you. I find it insulting and I definitely think it is said to make me feel like a child, which to me, at the point of choosing to have sex, you are booted out of “child” status. So, she says, “Honey, do yourself a favor and just get the epidural. You want your first child to be a pleasurable experience.” 

I am sure that she meant this with all good intensions. She went on to explain that she had tried for a natural child birth in the beginning and it made for a difficult time. I was raised to be polite and to not get into conflicts with prefect strangers, so I nicely responded, “You know that will effect the baby?” And in my head screaming at her for calling me “honey.” 

She retorted with, “Awww, sweetie, the doctors wouldn’t give you anything not good for the baby.” All I could do at that point was smile and walk away. My guts ran out. And for the rest of my pregnancy I avoided her checkout aisle. Whenever I would see her, I would curse her for treating me like a child. It wasn’t so much the topic, it was how she spoke to me.  

I was raised very unplugged from the norm. My mother had all 3 of her babies naturally, she nursed us all exclusively (never having a bottle), and all of our colds which we rarely had, were treated homeopathically or with vitamin C, garlic and echinacea . My mother would say, “Your teeth are straight, beautiful and healthy because I nursed you.” “Your hair and nails grow long and healthy because I nursed you.” “Your strong, smart and independent because I nursed you.” “ You barely ever get sick or have any allergies because I nursed you.” This doesn’t have to be true for you, your mother could have nursed you and still have all of the above as problems. But, it is true with my mother and her kids and I believe that it is true for my children and I.

I think the mother I was when I was 17 and the mother I am today would not disagree too much. I bet that I am a lot more relaxed now then I was 13 years ago. I asked a lot of questions of people that I thought had the right answers, now not so much. I read a lot of books on parenting, I still do but not for the same reason, more for research. I do however enjoy learning something new, but most of the things I read now, I either disagree with or I already knew. I am more of a know it all now. I am more more secure in my choices then I was. This could have something to do with age but I think it has more to do that I am more seasoned as a parent. But, I don’t look for acceptance as much as I did then, which I do think has something to do with my age. I know I make mistakes then and now, but I can and could live with the consequences. My son turns 13 in less then a week. I have been getting a taste for what teenager-hood will be like now for a couple of years, and sometimes I feel like I am in over my head. I mean, I have never parented a teenager and so far it is not a walk in the park. But, I take it one step at a time, and I know we will all be ok. 

Being a young mother is a challenge. It is a challenge at any age, because each age, I think will have judgement thrown at it. Although, the challenge of being a young parent, I don’t think I would wish upon my children. I would however support them if this is what they wanted. I know that each day I show them what it means to be the right kind of parent. I don’t know, it is a tough thing, but having open communication line with your kids is the way to go on this one, and really with anything. 

 I will be completely honest though, I don’t think my life choice to be a mother at that age was a wrong one. This is the life I wanted. I wanted to be a mother, I think it looks good on me and I am very proud of the family I created. I never needed the career that I was told to have, that I “missed.” Nothing I would or could have done for the last 13 years would make me as proud as I am of what I have right now. And who said you have to do it in a certain order. I love my life, and love growing and learning with my family. 

Love, Rebecca